1 - 2019

2019 has already been super hard for me…

Around the end of February last year, a group of friends and I started something that I will remember for the rest of my life. It was something that I was somewhat familiar with, and always wanted to have a career in. We founded a esports brand known as Vireo.pro.

We wanted to set a standard for this type of amateur esports brands, by treating all of our staff and all of our players properly, and not seeing them as just a number and actually paying them  We worked hard on being the best we could, constantly improving, constantly looking for the best options to better everyone who flew under our wings.

But, the more I focused on Vireo, the more I lost motivation in photography. Add this to me starting culinary school, and not enjoying it, was extremely hard for me to focus. I had to pick what I wanted to do all the time, and it was thought for me to stick to one thing, so I bounced from one, to the other constantly. I was unable to sit sill.

After ending school, I told myself that I would focus on Vireo, while also keeping photography as a hobby, and if you have read my other blog posts you would have seen that I wrote about a “creative block,” and looking back at it now, I know that it was just lack of motivation, because I was spreading myself too thin.

With Vireo, I had the chance of going to Montreal to see one of the teams compete at Dreamhack MTL 2018, and to meet everyone, and it was probably the best thing to have happened in 2018. The event was filled with first times. For some, it was there first time flying, for some, first time leaving the country, and for others, there first time at a bar, and drinking.  I will always remember the smiles that the event brought on everyone.

You're probably asking yourself "What does this have to do with 2019 if this all happened last year?" Well, as of today, we have ceased operations entirely for now.

This is probably the hardest things for me to do, and I know that some people may be confused, or angry, or just in shock, and trust me, I am feeling all of those things right now, but I don't want to get into the full details. 

I want to thank everyone that helped us get to where we are now, and I am going to make sure that everyone finds a new home, no matter how long it takes. I also want to thank everyone that helped us in our charity stream where we raised over $500 for MetoWe in 24 hours.

This is the end of a dream, but it had to be done. 

"After caring for the chick, the mother now faces the fear of allowing it young to fly free on its own. some survive and some don't." 

Update Jan 6th: Vireo.pro will be staying dormant for right now while Colin and I figure out what we want to do with it. All comments from anyone other then myself and Colin do not represent our current plans.

2 - 2018

So much for keeping my promises...

This year has been very hectic with school and work. So much so that, I took a full 3-4 months not touching my camera. You know that feeling when you have all these ideas, and all this motivation, but you cant use it? That's what I had to deal with, and over the past few weeks, this ever growing feeling of wanting to do the thing that I love the most, has slowly been calming its self down. I feel like going to school, for me was a good break, and now that I am done, I can finally focus on all the things that I want to do.

Thinking back to how I felt about photography back in January, I think about how I had this feeling of being in a creative block, and not being able to escape. Now, being able to have my own schedule, being able to do what ever I want whenever I want, I've overcome this block, and I have all this motivation to learn, and grow as a photographer.

This year will be my year. My year to create. My year to grow. My year to become what I actually want to become, to form something with what I have done, and what I am going to do.

Being proud of my work, is only the start of what I want to achieve this year.

1 - 2018

In 2018, I want to be able to look at my portfolio, and not feel like it's empty. I want to be proud of the work that I do.

I've have this feeling every time that I upload to my Instagram that its not complete. I look at other feeds, and see how often they post, and just sit there, wishing that I could post everyday, or every second day with something that I am proud of. I've been in this "funk" over and over again, and end up making excuses on why I'm not out shooting. I've talked with @e.madou, and he has helped me get out of my "funk" and want to get out and shoot again. (If you don't follow him, you should)

A goal that I have right now is to featured on @digital_ism, and to do that, I need to get back on a grind, I need to get back into a rhythm, I need to get back to that feeling of being proud of my work. I am going to be joining the photography group that my friend @kai.ryallota has been apart of for a while. I think being with others that enjoy photography as much as I do will really push me to work better, and be happier.

P.s. I'm going to try to make at least one blog post a month, but, no promises.

1 - 2017

Hey.

I want to talk about what happened with my portfolio, and social media this week.

About a month ago, a few weeks after launching InCartersEyes, I started to lost motivation to take pictures. I told myself that I would post once a day, everyday.

At first I thought it would help me get out and take more pictures, learn new ways to be efficient when I take pictures and edit them. But it didn't. It killed my motivation to take pictures. I would go out to a park, and felt like I had to take pictures, and it stopped me from having fun when I take them. It no longer felt like a hobby, it felt like a job.

When I took a step back, and saw what I was posting, and how I felt after them, I could see that there was no more motivation. I was going for quantity of quality, and that not how I want to work.

Starting today, I am only going to be posting when I feel proud of a picture, and when I feel like it is the right time.

No more deadlines.

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